You're Old Enough To!
Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump,
you should be at least how
high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...
Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a
man or a
woman?
A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
think
he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's
married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I
love you"?
A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands
while you are talking?
A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going
to get
any during your first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing
strawberries!
Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps.
One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail.
What will
a goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark
Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth
to?
A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting
into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what
is it?
A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head,
what was he trying to do?
A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or
your
elephant?
A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it's sex?
A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them
and
has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect
light?
A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.